VENGEANCE

He wasn't much to look at, but, ah... he fancied himself a playboy. His shiny red sports car didn't make him any more attractive, although it inflated his ego in a way that gave him definition. That he chose to spend weekends with our family spoke volumes about his social life. Dad had befriended him at work; brought home a stray.

Stretching meals to feed nine rather than eight was just another creative challenge to my mom. She was good at making more out of less. She was gracious if not warm. There were times when it seemed strangers got the best of her and we got the leftovers. This was one of those times.

Even the most self-absorbed cad had to realize eventually that he was wearing out his welcome. But hark! A golden opportunity for him to redeem himself. He coaxed them to leave the nest. Offered up a token of his indebtedness. A romantic dinner for two. Candlelit. No spilled milk. Away. It was their night, to dance.

He sent them off smoothly, into the cold blustery night. Reassurances that he would take care of us dripped from his tongue like honey. We were left with our mother's coral lips imprinted on our cheeks, and an empty feeling in our stomachs that hotdogs couldn't fill.

My five siblings were dispensed with immediately following supper. "You can stay up, you're older", he whispered in a silky voice, smoky breath wafting through my hair as he leaned too close. His oily scent snaked out at me, swallowing up nearly all of the room's air in one gulp.

I barely hear the words that sift through the thrumming in my ears "….pretty hair…" His flaccid fingers fumbling fawning "….such big brown eyes…" The better to see into his cool green reptilian soul. I tried to smother my panic, but it escaped in a hiccup of a giggle.

"…..ticklish….lish...ish???" Creeping, creeping, creep. In a flash, he was on me, trembling hands forced beneath my clothing, probing my armpits, my sides, my belly. "SSshhh……..shhhhhhhhsh…" hissed he, suffocating my shrieks with his cold clammy lips, sucking my panic, feeding on it.

"Oh look, you've peed your pants!" Hot urine covers me in shame. "Your mother will be angry, won't she.…." he slinks away, away, away… "Here, let me help……." He looms, sloshing hot soapy water in a bowl. "…….it will be our little secret….." laying me across my parents bed "………take it easy…….." pulling down my panties "…….she will never know……." pushing my legs open "…….never……."

His ministrations were oddly tranquilizing and conspiratorial. So fastidious as he washed & dried every nook & cranny. His eyes red & glassy, bulging as he concentrated on his task, trembling as he smoothed powder over me, bringing his face close, his steamy breath burning me, quaking..... "Aaaahhhhhhh........ ohhhhh.... ghhhhhhhhh....." he gasped convulsively. "That smells better now, doesn't it?" Helped me into my nightie. "NO ONE will ever know." His breathing as ragged as I. "It will be our little secret, won't it!?"

The blackness of the night was punctuated by blinding white snow the next morning. It mocked me, covering life's filth, pretending it wasn't there, hidden underneath. Ice crusted over my soul, stole even the memories of warmth.

I felt invisible. Battered by bubbling breakfast banter. I picked at my pancakes, cringing at his too loud laughter as everyone feasted. Shrank into myself as they vied for attention. No one noticed. No one noticed. NO ONE.

Plans for sledding percolated, erupted into a flurry of mittens, hats. Snowpants, boots, scarves. The men dawdled over coffee. Contemplating the merits of several nearby hills. My mother finally hustled them all out the door, and she and I basked in the sudden silence.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" I shook my head. We worked together quietly. I plunged my hands into scalding dishwater. Perhaps she chatted. "CAN'T YOU SEE?" I was screaming inside. "Can't you see, I'm different, can't you see…..???"

They returned sooner than expected. "His sled hit a big rock, out in the pasture", Dad explained. He stood there, a quivering mass of agony, as I stared, victorious, into the filmy eyes that had been avoiding mine. TRIUMPH. He was quickly gone, and never returned. Zoomed off into the horizon in his sporty red car.... . .

Crushed like a nasty little bug.