TELESEX OPERATOR

DEAR TELESEX OPERATOR........My wife and I went to the doctor today to see if we could bring back the excitement in our sex lives.. I am 84 and my wife Gert is 83. He suggested that we might want to try sex in a public place and we did and we were thrown out of Burger King and told we can't come back.. There was one bright spot in this mess. My wife said that she had forgotten that I had such a Whopper......That's not the EMERGENCY.....I called the doctor back and explained the situation and he suggested that heights and thinner air can drive the hormones to a new level......and he was right...we had wild sex except that Gert is now hanging by one hand from a 50th floor balcony and I don't have the energy to pull her up........WHAT SHOULD I DO???????? PLEASE LET ME KNOW RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!!

HOT and AFRAID of HEIGHTS.......HAROLD

Dear Harold

What goes up must cum down, which I imagine you have discovered for your self, if you were fortunate enough to get it up in the first place. Whilst it was a mite unchivalrous abandoning ole Gert on the 50th floor balcony, by now she oughta be frozen firmly in place & you can probably feel safe leaving her there til the spring thaw.

I do hope she managed to put on some clothing after the Burger King incident. If not, there may be a problem as I hear that President Shrub has issued a Purple Alert and appropriated 999 Apache Helicopters to shoot down any suspicious unidentified masses that may be terrorist bombs attached to the outer walls of high-rise buildings. Your beloved wife probably looks like a blue shaved goat right about now, which unfortunately is the terrorists favorite new ploy. I have it from very reliable sources that the Al Kaida Smurf Suicide Goat Herds are running rampant.

If you could blindfold yourself & venture out onto the balcony briefly, I would suggest peeing on her. this will serve two purposes; first she will be frozen more securely in place, assuring her safety over the long haul. Secondly, she will be transformed into a lovely ice sculpture. Just hang a "Happy Bar Mitzvah" banner on her & I'm pretty sure they will leave her alone. Then you can haul your sissy ass back to wherever you came from, and you & your Whopper can rest up til spring. BEST WISHES & regards to Gert

smooch
Your Sexologist Extraordinaire