We don't always have the luxury of partnering with someone who completes us. Sometimes we end up with an individual that challenges us at every turn. Relentlessly. Sometimes we struggle to translate pain into understanding and forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like an assignment from God, entrusting us with one who needs what they can't give back. Sometimes it's not equal, or fair. Sometimes we are stretched beyond all reasonable bounds, akin to birthing a harsh rocky mountain who's pain will stretch far beyond labor and delivery.
We grieve the darling cuddly puppy who gets hit by a car. It's more complex the gnarly cur who bites your hand every time you offer food. Who has suffered such abuse that doesn't have the capacity to understand unconditional love and lashes out against it because this is all it knows. Because trust has been annihalated. Sam was such a beast, but he was also a beloved child of God. People sometimes forgot that.
Oh the damage and pain inflicted are legendary. There was little sympathy or understanding from those looking in from the outside. Why waste time loving a being who can't return the favor, at least not the way the rules are written. Why invest in the most damaged members of the human race, or any species for that matter? Why?
I will tell you why. Because life's greatest lessons come from leaving our comfort zone. Because sometimes a mere pebble has more value than a chest of gold and jewels. Because the sacrifices we make do not diminish us, they teach us to be stronger better members of the human family. Because one person can make all of the difference in the world.
Beneath his hurt and anguish was the most gentle of souls. He dared to love and hope in his own unique way. He knew injustice firsthand, the flame of it burned deep. He was self aware enough to choose loneliness as a way to protect us from the fires of rage that resided within. He gentled himself over time, he tempered his unspeakable pain with an exile of solitude. And continued to love us from afar.
I am grieving deeply. I have tried to give voice to his story. There is no happily ever after. But this is not the end, this is a new chapter and the legacy he leaves is priceless. I think of our four daughters waking up today for the first time to this new chapter. They honored him with a most loving death, a true and good death, a perfect transition. His last act was a classic fish-lipped smooch as he let go.
He will live on in them. Their children will hear stories of Grampa Sam, they will learn his magic from a slate wiped clean by forgiveness, by this culmination of life's lessons learned the hard way and shared as a family. The healing and growth I have witnessed are priceless, and I am honored to be a part of it.
You are Loved Sam, deeply so. I am very proud of you. You stayed true to the very end.
2 comments:
Very eloquent Hattie. I spent the night remembering many times with him, the good and the bad. I knew him for 42 years and he was the most unique and oldest friend I've ever had. I feel very torn at this time. As close as we were in our early years and how we grew apart in our later years yet still occasionally would speak on the phone. Qe never gave up our friendship just as you never did. I agree, his legacy will live on through those beautiful daughters of yours that came into life in the orchard house on Hwy. F.
Oh, Hattie. Your profound eulogy brought tears to my eyes. You have lived with depth and truth - life with and without Sam. Keep loving, feeling, living!
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